“Those who authentically commit themselves to the people must re-examine themselves constantly” (Freire, 1971, p. 60).
Becoming ‘the’ Student and starting my PG Cert course at UAL, I am determined to challenge myself and break with well rehearsed patterns and entrenched learning habits. While being a student, for me is a relatively familiar feeling, and as such a dreaded position to place myself in again. I feel my VULNERABLITY raising its un-welcome head again!. In 2022 I completed a year long course, as a student of garden design, at Kew Gardens. I was challenged on several levels by new computer technology, rapid subject learning and the almost crippling fear of ‘not being good enough’ and this experience was a very traumatic recipe for me. The aim of the course was to use my creative talent to harness a new skill and boost my earning potential. However, the outcome, by the end of the course was a feeling of failure and despair. This was the antithesis of the intended goal. So I don’t want to put any grand expectation on my outcome for my PG Cert course other than completing, without feeling traumatized. The teachers on the garden course were professional designers working in industry, and it felt that they were less interested in my personal development and more so in sharing their own career success stories. I am a professional designer, working in industry so I don’t want to traumatize my students by sharing my stories, so understanding how to use my LIVED EXPERIENCE to inspire learning would be a positive outcome from my PG CERT. https://www.arts.ac.uk/about-ual/teaching-and-learning-exchange/professional-development/pgcert-academic-practice
I have spent time analyzing my former experience as a student, in order to inform my own teaching practise. It was a challenging course, but I relish a challenge, and enjoy immersing myself in a creative projects based learning, so why? I did well on my assessments, and achieved high marks, despite finding it difficult to complete tasks in the allocated time. I have since come to the conclusion that I was triggered into old patterns of childhood school SHAME trauma by the way the course was delivered and the teaching methods. To give context, school was a challenge; I felt un-seen, stupid and academically unsupported. I have very recently come to know, that I am a student with DIVERSE LEARNING NEEDS. But back then I simply didn’t understand what I was being taught. I was confused and ‘lost’ in a sea of pupils. As a result I left school at 16 with very few qualifications and started working in a jeans shop. Here I flourished, loved talking to people, I could sell clothes and understood fashion. From there I began to gain confidence and grew. I found stratergies to cope with my un-dignosed neurodiversity. In the years following school, and with no formal qualifications, I pursued fashion as a career and notched up many achievements including Fashion Editor of i-D Magazine and contributing Editor of Elle Magazine. As a mature student I felt confident enough to return to education and gained my BA in Footwear at Cordwainers and my MA in Accessories at RCA, then launched my own brand and was twice nominated Accessory Design of the year by the BFC. I have designed some pretty amazing shoes in my career. All this tangible success, but still I feel like an IMPOSTER.
I have been teaching for over 10 years and most of the time I feel like I get through to my students and make a difference to their learning experience and academic achievements. I know I give my students support and attention and I have the ability to energize and inspire performance, but very rarely do I feel an exchange of energy and ideas. Am I an IMPOSTER? It increasingly feels like I am being picked over for ideas and information, and in a way gets more difficult to manage student expectations as I gain more experience in teaching. I question do I belong? I would like to feel an exchange that nourishes and feeds me creatively, a sustainable teaching practice, a sense of BELONGING. So my ultimate aim from the course would be to have a replenishing rather than depleting exchange of energy through teaching. I am hoping that by analyzing my own teaching methods through BEING THE STUDENT on this course I can harness the correct tools to master this ‘craft’. I now understand that I need to bring my AUTHENTIC NEURODIVERSE SELF to this course, ask all the ‘silly’ questions, with no SHAME (Its my party….) cry if I want too and embrace my VULNERABILTY in order to gain real insight into who I am as a teacher and LIFE LONG LEARNER.
A Little bit of personal History:
My work with Alexander McQueen, and the shoes I designed in collaboration with him, are always a good talking point with students. Showing something that was dreamed up and made real seems to inspire students that anything is possible.
Armadillo Shoes – Designed by Georgina Goodman for Alexander McQueen worn by Lady Gaga Bad Romance Video 2010 – Photo still from YouTube – No copy right infringment intended.
References:
Capper, G. McVitty, D. (2022) Wonke, Belonging inclusion and mental health are all connected, Available at: https://wonkhe.com/blogs/belonging-inclusion-and-mental-health-are-all-connected/(Accessed 10th January 2024).
Cunic, A. (2024) Imposter Syndrome: Why You May Feel Like a Fraud, VeryWell.Com, Available at:https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469 (Accessed 25th January 2024).
Cunic, A. (2023) The Psychology of Shame, VeryWell.Com, Available at:https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469 (Accessed 25th January 2024)
Read more: VULNERABILITY – Being ‘The’ Student